A few minutes ago I put Everly to sleep in her crib. The last month or so I figured out that the more junk I put in her crib with her, the easier it was for her to fall asleep. So every night she has to have multiple piles of crap to hoard. Her brother’s pacifier (that didn’t stand a chance), a couple of her favorite foam books, and about 11 stuffed animals and two blankets currently reside with her. She falls asleep surrounded by them, with only her head peeking out. I’ll try to take a picture but my kids are the lightest sleepers in all of creation and can SMELL ME (I swear) when I enter the room so it’s not really worth it, peepsicles.
Anyway – tonight she asked for something special to join her for bedtime.
She saw them in the floor where I had been sorting clothes.
“SHEWS!” She suddenly demanded, desperately. “SHEWS! SHEWS! SHEWS!”
So I finally caved (because when she says any word with an “S” in it, I am helpless to her will) and put a tiny pair of Nike tennis shoes in her crib with her. She promptly gathered them up under her chin and laid on them, popping her brother’s pacifier in her mouth and closing her tired eyes. She was satisfied and ready to sleep.
I smiled, and smiled, and smiled. Still smiling.
And you know what?
When I was 15 I sat on the couch in my living room and said, “What are you DOING with my life, God? Why are you letting me live if I’m this miserable? Just LET ME GO if I don’t have any purpose but to be this unhappy. I hate this life. I can’t believe you’re letting me live it.”
I was just… a complete idiot. And so lost.
And I’m real, real thankful for grace.
Because moments like tonight make all those other moments worth everything I’ve endured. I’d live every heartbreak over again a million times to get nights like tonight and moments that are that simple and that happy.
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’…“
-2 Corinthians 12:9