A few minutes ago I put Everly to sleep in her crib. The last month or so I figured out that the more junk I put in her crib with her, the easier it was for her to fall asleep. So every night she has to have multiple piles of crap to hoard. Her brother’s pacifier (that didn’t stand a chance), a couple of her favorite foam books, and about 11 stuffed animals and two blankets currently reside with her. She falls asleep surrounded by them, with only her head peeking out. I’ll try to take a picture but my kids are the lightest sleepers in all of creation and can SMELL ME (I swear) when I enter the room so it’s not really worth it, peepsicles.
Anyway – tonight she asked for something special to join her for bedtime.
She saw them in the floor where I had been sorting clothes.
“SHEWS!” She suddenly demanded, desperately. “SHEWS! SHEWS! SHEWS!”
“SHEWSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!“
So I finally caved (because when she says any word with an “S” in it, I am helpless to her will) and put a tiny pair of Nike tennis shoes in her crib with her. She promptly gathered them up under her chin and laid on them, popping her brother’s pacifier in her mouth and closing her tired eyes. She was satisfied and ready to sleep.
I smiled, and smiled, and smiled. Still smiling.
And you know what?
When I was 15 I sat on the couch in my living room and said, “What are you DOING with my life, God? Why are you letting me live if I’m this miserable? Just LET ME GO if I don’t have any purpose but to be this unhappy. I hate this life. I can’t believe you’re letting me live it.”
I was just… a complete idiot. And so lost.
And I’m real, real thankful for grace.
Because moments like tonight make all those other moments worth everything I’ve endured. I’d live every heartbreak over again a million times to get nights like tonight and moments that are that simple and that happy.
“Shews.”
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“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’…“
-2 Corinthians 12:9
Kalen, all I have to say (besides you have two of the cutest kids, EVAR) is that you were NOT an idiot when you were 15. Well, not any more of an idiot than the rest of us were back then. :)
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Love you! Great post! I have so been there. In fact, I am going through something right now that i just do not know how to process. I found something out today that troubles my soul to it’s core and I just don’t know what to do with it. =( Blah…
I love this so much because this is exactly how I feel lately about my life. To look back on the so called tortured life I was living as a teenager I’m just like, “YOU MORON!” Hah. But that just means we were all in it together I guess. I really just wish I’d spent that time of self and life loathing doing something like, learning to sew. WE HAD SO MUCH FREE TIME. Ughh. ;)
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I think Everly has the right idea about loving shews. ;)
I read this and smiled. You changed the most. :) love you Kay!
Great post. That’s how I went to sleep for years… Ahh my teen years were special. :)
I went through the same kind of attitude about life when i was younger aswell, looking back I think I was looking for faith. I believe even you told me once that Jesus has been knocking on my heart for a long time now. It took me a while, but I’m happy with my level of faith now. I still question, and I still think (like, a lot), and although I have still yet to find my place in this word (or at least acceptance about my place), I think i’m a lot calmer now than I’ve ever been.
Shews! :)
I’m so glad to hear it all eventually gets better. :) I can’t wait to become a wife and a mama!
And <3 that girl of yours and her shews.