Written on the 6th and just now posted.
You woke up at 5ish this morning, you haven’t done that in a while but you wanted to change things up and have EXCITED TIME. I walked into your room, grabbed you out of the crib and tried to ease you back into sleep for 2 hours. You weren’t having it. Instead of going back to sleep you growled, ripped my hair out, laid your head down on my chest and pretended you were snoozing only to shoot up and scream seconds later. You played on the bed, ate a bottle, and acted as if it was 1999 and you were going to do as Prince told you!
At that moment, I wasn’t exactly sharing the sentiment, buddy.
You are 10 months old, baby boy. Only 2 months away from being a year old and I have NO IDEA how that’s even possible. You are walking around furniture, feeding yourself (Heaven forbid one of us try to feed you) clapping and dancing, babbling away like it’s nothing (dada, ought oh, mama, lalala, nanana, etc) and constantly wanting me to hold you. If I leave the room, you throw your head back and squint your eyes closed and CRYYYYYYY because it’s the most awful thing you’ve ever had to experience. You have now started laying face down on the ground and throwing an actual fit with your tiny body. It’s actually kinda cute but I know how mad I used to get when someone gave me the “you’re so cuteeeee” cutesy thing when I was mad so ignore my last statement.
The other night I was running some errands and my thoughts drifted to you and what type of boy you will be and eventually what kind of man you will become. I worry sometimes about yours and Everly’s character and if you’ll be able to stand up against the pressures you’ll face. The world and it’s values are in a weird place, and I worry about how it might define you. I want you to be a good person that is good to people… is that too much to ask? haha.
I reached the conclusion (as ketchup from my chicken sandwich got all over my hands and the steering wheel) that I just really want you to be the kind of man your father is. He is friendly, but not a pushover. He knows what he wants and what he believes in and he’s very confident in those things. He isn’t intimidated by anyone. He listens to others and considers their ideas, even if he disagrees with them. He’s a hard worker but he doesn’t overdo it, he knows that work is work and he knows when to slow down or stop. He is sensitive and kind, but not weak. He’s strong and athletic and handsome. He knows how to commit to something he loves. He is loyal. And I am crazy in love with him because of all of these things.
He is a good father and a good husband, and everyone’s definition of those can be different so let me explain what I mean. He spends time with you babies. When he gets home, most nights he takes you both up in your room and plays with you until bedtime. He gives you baths and diapers you and gives you your nighttime bottle almost every night. He takes pictures of you and texts them to me when I’m out and about, and he tells me everything you both did while I was gone. He tells me he misses his family through an email or message when he’s at work and every day he calls on his way home just to talk about his day and ask about mine and see how his babies are. He’ll be home just 15 minutes from the time he calls, but he can’t wait (and neither can I). He is honest and trustworthy and is careful about our marriage. He loves me and he loves you so much. He isn’t perfect but he is a good man, Beckett. A man to look up to your whole life. He has many accomplishments and I know his greatest is you & Everly. I know this when he rolls over in bed and I’m almost asleep and he softly says, “I love you. Thank you for my babies.”
And you might be thinking, “Is this about Dad or is it about me?” and as much as I love to gush about you and Everly, I have to tell you – it really all starts with him. Well, it really all starts with my relationship to him. Our marriage created you and through our marriage, we will try to shape your character, build your defenses, and teach you about loving something so much that you will fight for it no matter what.
So when I worry about what type of man you will become, I try to hold myself accountable. I feel like by loving your father, I am loving you even more. I hope to model for you what it means to treat someone fairly and respectably, and even though I fall short sometimes, I will never stop working on it because it’s worth it.
And your dad makes the work pretty easy, I’m just sayin’.