Beckett with Uncle Bo
September zoomed by and October was on my doorstep (one of my favorite months). I had no idea how it had become October, but it was really because I was enjoying September so much, I reckon. A playdate here or there, Pure Romance parties at night, my in-laws finally settled in to Lexington and able to help with the babies on a whim, my sister’s baby shower for a baby boy that became real(!), a training in Cincinnati which started up a new friendship, and one of my best friend’s bachelorette parties… some of the things I ‘accomplished’ in September, some of the destinations I stopped at along the way.
At Ashley’s bachelorette party we went to a local club downtown that I had heard about but never visited, and I was hesitant because I was soooo tired (already, at about 11:30pm) and soooo convinced that I was “over” that scene. But the truth is, I’m not over it. Okay, wait. I’m over the FREQUENCY of doing those things, but once I started dancing with my friends, I realized how much I needed that. I needed an Amaretto Sour and a little freedom and my girls.
It felt good to dance, friends. So good.
Jump to new memory! <– Transitional genius.
On the way back home from Cincinnati with my friend, we were talking and she seemed surprised when I told her about some of the difficulties I’ve had in my marriage to Billy, some of the crap decisions I’ve made in life, and some of my anxiety I fought along the way. She seemed relieved and told me that it was nice to hear those things because she thought, from the looks of things, that I “had it all together”.
AHAHAH! I’m just thinking of the ants all around my sink or the laundry in our bathtub… anyway, back to the memory!
By simply shuffling through my Facebook pages, the world’s current version of a scrapbook, it’s obvious that I almost always post highlights or happy thoughts, and rarely ever say: “Today I didn’t want to be a mom or a wife or belong to anyone. Today I wanted FREEDOM,” and the truth is, it’s because those thoughts are rare. They are present, but fleeting. So I try and pick out the highlights of my life, the happier times, because all of the sad times are so normal to human experience and don’t last. My memories of laughing and enjoying will stand out to me because I choose for them to stand out. I choose to live my life on positives… except on weeks when I don’t and instead text complaints about everything in the entire universe to my closest friends OR do the thing where I am positive and simultaneously a Debbie Downer. “Yeah I had a good day, BUT I got stung by a bee and my face fell off and I have no shoes and am walking around outside barefoot and glass is cutting me, but it’s okay!”
But yes. I’ve got some documentin’ to do and this blog is one of my ways of doing just that, and I’ve missed it lately.
Kalen, I’m so glad I came to read this today. I so needed this! I’m glad I am not the only one who has those feelings of “Today I didn’t want to be a mom or a wife or belong to anyone. Today I wanted FREEDOM,” I seriously thought I was the ONLY ONE and that I was a horrible person for feeling that way! Although…those moments seem to be more and more for me lately…Maybe I am horrible!! :(